Perhaps nothing could make music much more electrifying than concerts. Hearing our favorite artists live feels like coming alive. In this episode, Bethany Mortellaro and Cher Vaden dive into the world of concerts, sharing their favorite artists and memorable experiences. They gush about Yanni’s enchanting song, “Reflections of Passion,” their mutual love for “Roxanne,” and Enya’s soothing melodies as well as many artists singing in diverse musical genres. The dialogue takes an unexpected turn when they talk about their experiences with Christian music and delve into amusing degrees of separation, including an eyebrow-raising mention of Donald Trump. Bethany and Cher also share anecdotes about attending Dave Matthews and Zac Brown Band concerts, expressing their love for the vibrant atmosphere. The anticipation for an upcoming Snoop Dogg concert sparks laughter as they jokingly ponder the potential for a contact high. From sharing misheard lyrics and funny stories about kids’ music preferences to discussing the business of churches, Bethany and Cher embark on a journey of music, faith, tattoos, and family, all while leaving their listeners eager for more.
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Are We Really Singing That?
I can’t stop Yanni. Did you ever hear it?
We didn’t know Yanni.
I love Yanni, Reflections of Passion. I used to fall asleep to that song. Now, I’m going to play it.
I want a name like Yanni.
Isn’t he Greek? I think he’s Greek.
Yeah, but the name Yanni sounds like you should be like a yoga meditation.
Yeah, you’re right. I see that. Find your inner peace.
If I think of the name Roxanne, I think of some firecracker woman. Do you know how you have like Roxanne? That’s another song I work out to.
I love that song. Bethany Mortellaro.
Ms. Cher Vaden. Rocco’s joining us again, our little Frenchie.
Our guest host.
I will keep his snoring to a minimum. I’ll try to keep him away from the mic. It tends to overpower my headphones.
It’s our soothing music, our soothing background sounds. Hold on, I’m going to bring up Yanni, Reflections of Passion. Live at the Acropolis.
It’s the singer Enya that’s very soothing.
Yeah, Enya’s the one.
I think of Yanni and Enya on the same.
She gets Enya ears.
I like her while I’m getting a massage.
You didn’t get my pun.
She’s in my ear?
She gets Enya ears. Enya gets in your ears.
It’s like I’m a fish. I’m an angel fish.
This is Live at the Acropolis. That’s why you hear the applause.
If I go to the Acropolis, I want to see some Greek dancing and plates breaking. I want to have some shots of Ouzo.
Do that before you go to the Acropolis. Do that outside. I love this song. Anyway, who was the other? Enya. Enya ears.
I love her music.
There’s something called Enya stuff. I swear to you, it just popped up.
Of course, there is.
Enya Essentials. Let’s see. Very best of Enya. You have an energy drink and caffeine.
I have a coffee behind me, a Celsius, my Smart Water.
All the things that should make you awake. I think that maybe they’re counteracting one another.
I agree. Do you know what I need? I need a cocktail.
It’s too early for that.
I know. That’ll be stupid. If I have a drink now, I’ll have a headache.
I’m not familiar with Enya songs.
Enya’s very like, I want to get a massage. I want somebody massaging me in a very long stroke way.
There was a really popular Enya song. What was it?
I don’t know song titles. I just know songs.
Let’s see. What is the very best of Enya? I don’t know.
I couldn’t tell you.
Yeah, me, either.
I couldn’t tell you from the hole in the wall.
Sail Away.
Isn’t that Enya?
I don’t know. Maybe.
It’s not called Sail Away. It’s called Orinoco Flow.
I wouldn’t know that.
You’re right, yes. Why did I think Sail Away?
That’s the only thing it says in it.
That’s a different song. Come sail away with me.
That’s Cartman.
I know. My husband did that song in the exact Cartman voice.
If I called him now, would he sing it for me?
Probably not.
This is it.
I need shit to amp me up right now. I am in yawning central over here.
Just because it goes with it, it sounds like what we just listened to, like this verse.
I’ve never heard of them. What The Hell?
That’s the way they came. I know. Hold on. What’s that song?
If I was getting massaged listening to What The Hell? I’d be like, “What the fuck am I listening to?” Just give me the instrumental, please.
This is it. I love this song. See, I love this music. It’s the transition of it that I love. You’re a music buff too.
Does this get beefier? Does this get pumpier? Okay.
Imagery. Here it comes. I love this. Storytelling. It’s going to break. I know, it’s a buildup. There it goes. It’s very telling. It’s not for you right now.
I like the song. I thought there was going to be a bigger break. I thought we were going to start jamming out.
You got to listen to the whole thing. It’s very much the crescendo comes pretty late in it.
She reminds me of the artist, Feist. I like her music.
I don’t know how to say it, but I know who you’re talking about.
I love her song. Your voice reminds me of her.
That’s this song.
Yeah, but I love G.E.M.
Jem and the Holograms?
No. She’s got a pretty popular song.
When you say Jem, all I think of is Jem and the Rockers.
Of course.
G.E.M., Light Years Away.
This is it? That’s not the song. No. She’s got a song in my mind.
I’m so impressed with your very vast musical taste.
Lily Allen’s kind of part of that same genre.
I only listen to Christian music these days.
I was going to say. You piggybacked with these days because you know a lot of music.
I do know a lot of, but not pop music.
Are you listening to DC Talk? Who are you listening to?
No.
DC Talk is back in the day. I remember being a teenage girl going to the DC Talk Christian concert in Orlando.
Do you remember being a teenage girl and going to the dc Talk Christian concert? Click To Tweet
I will tell you fun random facts. There’s a thing with Cher Vaden. There seem to be two degrees of separation between me and almost anyone. Why? I don’t know because I’m just me. I’m just a little child of God over here, but somehow there is a two-step between me and almost anyone. Donald Trump even, I swear to you. It’s a real thing.
For some reason, that’s just in my head.
Do you think of Donald Trump when you hear titties?
I do. You don’t remember when the whole titty bit with Donald Trump?
I don’t know. Regardless, two different directions or avenues you can go in and somehow there are still 2 steps to him there and 2 steps to him there. Zach Williams, he’s a Christian artist who is amazing. He used to be a rock artist, and then finally, one day, God opened his heart and he turned his life around and literally devoted every word to God. It’s awesome. My degrees of separation between myself and Zach Williams is that he is from a very close town to where my husband grew up and they played basketball against one another. I’m already listening to Zach Williams in the car.
I would tell you that the birth of my first child is what turned my life focusing more on God and God being the center of it even though I do curse a lot. I can’t help it. I try. To that I would tell you that Nick says to me, “This guy that I actually knew in high school, he’s a Christian artist now. I wonder if you’ve ever heard of him. He’s this Zach Williams.” Even my kids were like, “Dad, fear’s a liar.” I was like, “What?”
The birth of my first child is really what turned my life. Click To Tweet
I went to the Zach Williams concert. Zach Williams’s concert was not that long ago here. I had told my mom and my aunt about Nick and the story about how he knew Zach Williams. They were kind of, “Okay. Yeah. Cool.” He actually told the same story that Nick had told. He told it on stage about how he played sports, that’s where his focal point was, how he was in the rock band and changed his life. Anyway, it was neat to hear it. Zach Williams is one of my favorites. I’ll tell you, he did a duet with Dolly Parton. How’s that ever going to be a fail?
Who doesn’t love Dolly Parton?
Who doesn’t love a duet with Dolly Parton? Kenny Rogers, Miley Cyrus. Everyone’s got a duet with Dolly Parton.
I want to see Maverick City Music in concert. I love their songs. They are amazing. We actually went to a Hank Williams Jr. concert and I fell asleep. I never thought I could fall asleep at the amphitheater here in Tampa, but I was.
Were you so tired?
It was a Friday. It’s at the end of the week. We had a huge dinner.
You fell asleep at a concert.
He kept doing slow songs. It’s an hour-and-a-half show. Halfway through it, I put my head on my husband’s shoulder and passed out.
You know what? You weren’t in the mood for that.
Mind you, two weeks before that, we were at Morgan Wallen. After his concert, I was cracked out on speed. I was so excited.
I don’t even know who’s Morgan Wallen. Who is this? I don’t know who this is.
He is a country singer phenomenon.
Is this the guy that was on The Voice, and they said no to him?
Yes. He’s incredible.
I was watching the video. I like it. What’s this one?
Broadway Girls. My favorite song lately has been Outlaw, Cover Me Up. I love so many of his songs.
I don’t remember this thing about me. I don’t know any of these songs.
I know all his songs. He’s phenomenal. Anyway, Hank William Jr., I applaud the guy for being 73 and still being on tour. God bless you, but I couldn’t get through it anymore. I have to say, his sound system was horrible because if you didn’t know the song and could sing along to it because you knew the beat, you could not understand the words. I kept saying, “What? What is he saying?”
What was your first concert?
Love him. I swear to God, if he comes back, I’m getting front-row seats. Lenny Kravitz.
How old were you?
Actually, I think my first concert was DC Talk with the Christian band. My first concert in my adult years, at least that I can remember, was Lenny Kravitz.
Was he already doing American Woman at that time?
You know what? I’m going to take that back.
It wasn’t Lenny Kravitz. How old were you?
It was with my brother. We went to Coachman Park on Clearwater Beach when they used to have concerts there back in the day, which they’re bringing back. It was like one of those radio stations where they had a bunch of rock bands that would come in. Disturbed was one of the bands. Funny story with this, my brother and I went. My mom was on the phone with her girlfriend.
At the concert?
No. She’s on the phone at her house with her girlfriend. She has the news on, and they’re filming this concert at Coachman Park.
You were there.
I’m only five-foot tall, so we’re in the crowd and I can’t see the band. My brother’s standing next to me.
My God, you’re on his shoulders.
I am on some random person’s shoulders. My mom’s on the phone with her girlfriend and she’s like, “Holy shit. Those are my kids. My daughter’s on some random guy’s shoulder.” We were underage drinking. I was probably 18 or 19 at the time. My brother was next to me. They’re spraying us down with hoses and water. It was so much fun.
It was a concert on the beach. That’s hilarious that she saw you.
That’s the time that my mom was having a bible study at our house. It was the very first time I ever tried marijuana in my teenage years. I’m shifting.
You stirred your mom’s bible study.
He says, “The very first time you ever do this, I want you to do this with me because I’m going to keep you safe.”
Who said it? Your brother?
My brother and I are best friends. What did he do? He gets me high. He brings me back home to the fucking bible club that’s going on in my house. I was in my bed, rocking myself. I was like, “Why did you do that to me?” They were all gloating about their children. “Our kids are so wonderful.” I was high as hell in my bedroom.
Sweet little Bethany.
The bible study’s going on outside the door.
That’s hilarious.
My brother and I were roommates for the longest time. We had a lot of fun times together.
Is your brother older than you or younger than you?
He is two years older. Little Rocco, the Frenchie that’s laying on my lap, he is snoring and that is the noise in the background.
He is snoring. He’s trying to get comfortable.
He’s trying to get comfortable and he doesn’t fit on his chair, but if I put him down, he’s all over the cords, so it’s easier to hold him up.
My first concert, truth be told, wasn’t until I was nineteen and it was Farm Aid.
Farm Aid? I don’t know that name.
It was a concert put on to raise money for local farms.
No wonder why I don’t know the name.
I was also in South Carolina at the time and I’ll never forget going. Dave Matthews was there, which was amazing because when I was a teenager, Dave Matthews was it. Also, Jewel, who I’ve always been a humongous fan of. She was there, so that was so much fun.
It’s funny. When it comes to Dave Matthews concerts, even if you love his music, and I love his music, when you go to his concert, you either love it or you hate it because all of his songs go on for fifteen minutes and they all start sounding the same. I have several clients who went to his concert. Hands down, every single one of them. They were huge Dave Matthew buffs, but they couldn’t get through the concert. It was like, “Get on already. Get on to the next song.”
I think that I have the answer for that.
They’re high as fuck and they just keep playing. They’re just feeling the jam.
I think that’s what it is. It’s like a reenactment of Woodstock every time. The original, not the debauchery. I think maybe that’s what it is, but I loved the first. I actually went to a Dave Matthews concert separate from Farm Aid. It was a few years later, but it was amazing. It was one of the best concerts I’ve been to. I would tell you that the Zack Brown band is was so good.
Zach Brown is incredible. We have season tickets for the amphitheater and we saw Zach Brown. Did he put on a show? I knew his music, but I didn’t know a lot of his songs. I had a newfound love for him after going to his concert, but I’ll tell you who I’m looking forward to going to. Snoop Dogg. Snoop Dogg is going to be a phenomenal concert.
I don’t think I have to worry about people not being high at that concert.
No. I’m going to have a contact high. I’m going to be like, “This is the best concert ever.”
Fact. I hope no one has a job interview or a drug test soon after that concert because good God. Contact, no, it’s going to be a full-on cloud. That would be good.
It’s going to be. I think it’s like Wiz Khalifa.
I can enjoy that.
I can’t remember who else is playing with him, but I am really looking forward to that concert.
I know we’re talking music, but Snoop Dogg is one of those musicians that was able to maneuver into something other than just music and is so successful.
That is brilliant.
He and the Martha Stewart thing is phenomenal. That’s peas and carrots right there. To that, I will say, I stumbled upon it because I told you, you know that I sit there and I watch these Instagram Reels in bed in the evenings and it get sucked in. It was him commentating on commentating on wildlife videos.
I’ve seen those or maybe I’ve seen them because you said it to me.
I think I forwarded it to you. I could watch an entire show where Snoop Dogg is narrating what he’s seeing. Let it be the first time he sees it and he’s narrating. Hilarious. It’s the funniest thing. I watched it numerous times. It’s the one where he says, “What are those? Meerkats? No, those are some Mongooses. Those are Mongooses. How they attack is like, they’re going up against the gator.” It’s just so funny.
You could watch an entire show where Snoop Dogg is just narrating what he's seeing. It’s hilarious. Click To Tweet
I did step into comedy videos from Dave Chappelle. Dave Chappelle and Sebastian Maniscalco. I’ve seen Sebastian Maniscalco. The first time I went to a Sebastian Maniscalco comedy show was when my husband and I were engaged. He was playing at Side Splitters here in Tampa, and we had front-row seats.
We have good comedy clubs here.
We would go to him every single year after that. It got to the point where I was like, “I need a set of binoculars. I can’t get close to this guy,” because he’s selling out stadiums. The guy blew it up for a good reason. He’s Sebastian Maniscalco. Italian comedian. We grew up obviously in an Italian family. His comedy is so relatable.
We always use Google when we’re on the show when we want to find something. Not that we’re trying to plug Google, but it’s just a fact. I type in Sebastian and what’s the first thing that pops up when I type in Sebastian?
The fish?
Little Mermaid. No, he’s a crab.
Flounder is the fish.
That’s the first thing that pops up.
It’s because The Little Mermaid just came out, probably.
I didn’t even think about that, but you’re probably right.
I want to take the kids to go see that. They love going to the movies.
I remember this guy.
He’s hilarious.
He actually looks a lot like a friend of mine.
He looks like my brother.
Look at that picture of him, and then look at this picture of a friend of mine. His face is like all the way buried. Let me see if I can find a picture of my friend here. Music. What do your kids listen to?
Enzo loves Astronaut in the Ocean by Masked Wolf.
My kids like that song.
He likes a lot of his other songs. I have to filter their music because he will pick up songs from school. I don’t even know where he gets them from because we literally monitor so much stuff on iPads and everything else. He’ll watch dancing videos, so then we want to figure out the song that they’re dancing to. When you start listening to the words, you’re like, “We’re cutting that one off.” We do a lot of country in our house. When I wake up in the morning and I’m making the kids breakfast, on the Alexa, I have her play the Morgan Wallen station and all the different artists that come through.
Country is a good way to start your day.
I find that country music, you don’t have to worry about it being so offensive. You’re not going to have that random song like Dicked Down in Dallas. That’s a country song. That one, my kids are not going to be listening to.
I’m not familiar with that one. I may have been, but I’m not familiar with the song.
Watch it because I have an Alexa here. Watch it come up on the Morgan Wallen station, and then it’s going to be like, “Damn you,” because I swear to God, they listen to everything we do and then they play it here.
The kids hear the words. I remember when I was a kid like, “Billy Jean because the chair is not my size.” Not, “because the kid is not my son.” That’s what you heard. “Because the chair is not my size.”
I always screw up words. I always sing my own version of a song.
I’ll tell you about funny versions and screwing up the words.
I was cooking the other night and I will often find Luca singing this part of the song of Broadway Girls with Morgan Wallen. I want to say it’s Lil Dirk.
I feel like you’ve told me this story.
I have. He was building Legos while I was cooking dinner, and he starts singing. “If I was smarter, I just stay my ass at home and leave them Broadway girls alone.” I’m dying because you hear this little six-year-old like, “I’d stay my ass at home.” He knows. It’s so funny how I feel like my memory at 41 is completely shot, but my kids can hear a song one time and they know all the lyrics. I used to be this way.
It’s because they take your brain cells.
I need it to retain it a little bit better. Sometimes, now what I do is when I love a song, I pull up the lyrics on the Pandora to learn the words because I always sing everything wrong.
Singing stuff wrong. This song, it’s Eric’s Church song and I guess he says, “I hear the ringing of a beat up old guitar,” or something like that. It’s “A beat-up old guitar,” but I heard “a beatable guitar.” Nick goes, “What the fuck is a beatable guitar?” I go, “I don’t know. I didn’t know why the guy put a beatable guitar.” He’s like, “It’s a beat-up old guitar.” I said, “That’s just not what I heard. I heard a beatable guitar. Maybe he’s playing the drum on at the same time.” He goes, “That doesn’t even make any sense.” I said, “It did to me when I was singing.” I didn’t hear it. Now, I hear beat-up old guitar.
I always get sayings wrong too. I always say, “Six to one, half a dozen for the other.” My husband’s like, “What the fuck?”
You did butch those words.
At this point, he’s like, “Bethany-isms.” He just looks at me with sympathy now.
Six in one hand, half dozen the other. It’s snipping on down. I really enjoy concerts. I’m not trying to bash my Christian brothers. I’ve been to more Christian concerts than I ever did any rock or secular music concerts, but I can’t stand when they come in and they play you these pitiful videos and these sob stories. Not that they’re sob stories. I’m not trying to diminish them, but about people in other countries, “Adopt this child for just this much.” It’s like when you’re watching a movie late at night and all of a sudden, Sarah McLaughlin comes on. You’re like, “No. I mean it. I’m walking away.”
It was like back in the day watching a TV show and you see Feed The Children.
That’s what it is. It’s basically the same thing. If you’re in the concert arena during these people walking around with their cards and saying, “God bless you,” if you don’t raise your hand, you feel like, “I’m a piece of shit.”
“Look at those assholes over there.”
It’s like, “What a dick. You can’t afford $0.25 a fucking day?” That’s what I feel. Without fail, I have to use the restroom. I have to make a phone call. I have to get some snacks. I’m going to go look at the merchandise during that thing and you’re just waiting and peeking to make sure that it’s your time.
My note to that is, I am so tired of going to the grocery store, Walgreens, CVS, what have you, and you go to checkout and it’s like, “Do you want to donate? Do you want to donate your round up?” I donate every freaking tax. Stop asking me to donate.
I donate every time I get a paycheck. Those taxes are donations to the fuckery.
I always go to the grocery store. Over the course of a week, I went multiple times. I kept saying, “I did it last time. Stop asking me.” They got to ask everybody. They’re on the spot. We’re on the spot. Everybody’s all uncomfortable now to donate $1.
That’s exactly what they do. They make you extremely uncomfortable and it’s not fair. They play on the guilt. I’s no different than back then. Everyone’s seen Robin Hood. We’ll talk about the original Robin Hood with Kevin, The Bodyguard guy who Dances With Wolves.
Kevin Costner.
It’s like Kevin Costner without his British accent, but he’s Robin Hood. They’re like, “Alms for the poor. Penny for the poor.” People are sitting out there begging. Back then, I get that you’re begging and you kind of feel guilty, so everyone gives them a little something. I’ve seen too many of those 2020 episodes or Dateline episodes where they follow the person.
They have their car parked under the bridge, and then they take a little hike over to a busy street corner.
They’re making $60,000 a year tax-free.
I’ve seen those same Datelines. That has hurt me in a way.
Yeah. Now you’re not interested. We’re very affected to things, you and I.
What I don’t like to see is when people use their young children on the corner. That angers me so much.
What are you teaching that next generation? That it’s best to sit out here, beg to other people, try to look pitiful, and go buy a thing of water and then sell it for $1? I get it. Some people are desperate.
What I will do and I have done is I will go into the grocery store and I’ll buy them food, and then I’ll hand it to the family.
Yeah, they don’t want that. There was a guy I’ll never forget. I was very young. I was in my early twenties and I had pulled off the interstate or I was waiting to get onto the next roadway. There was a man standing there. It was blistering hot, Florida sun, middle of the summer. He’s standing there. Clearly, he’s sweating. He’s got nothing next to him other than this cardboard sign that looks very illegibly written. All I had was two bottles of water and I gave him a bottle of water. He took it from me, he looks, and he goes, “Fucking water?” He threw it.
You’re just trying to do something nice and kind.
You will die if you don’t have water. You can live without food for a little bit. Anyway, I was very dismayed and that made me not want to do stuff like that.
It’s sad that we do things to help others and yet it hardens you. When I first opened up my hair salon, I would go to a local church here and give free haircuts for children back to school. There was a lice checkpoint before they got to us, but sometimes the lice would go unseen and so they’d get into my chair and I would spot the lice and then I’d have to turn them away. The mothers would be so furious with me, but I can’t cut a kid’s hair with lice.
It's sad that we do things to help others and yet it hardens you. Click To Tweet
We got to clear the room because lice jumps and spreads very quickly. After doing that for so many years and putting my heart and soul of wanting to give to people that needed the help, you get to a point where you’re like, “Fuck, I’m tired of being shit on by these people for doing something in my free time.” It’s not my job. I’m not making any penny.
It’s like you should be obligated to do it for them.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s like half and half. You have so many people that are thankful. “Thank you so much. This is going to make them feel so good going back to school, my little girl. This means the world to us because I couldn’t afford this.” You then got the total opposite end of like, “What do you mean you’re not going to cut my kid’s fucking hair?” That’s how they’re talking to you in front of their kid.
That’s entitlement.
You’re like, “Shit.” You hold onto those nice moments. It’s like I used to work in a soup kitchen for Thanksgiving, and again, half and half. You don’t know who you have. These families coming in, whether they lost their job and what have you. They fell in hard times. They just want to have a nice meal for their kids. They’re so humble, grateful, and thankful. You then have people coming in off the streets that are on drugs. They choose to be homeless because they don’t want to live by the rules of society.
I’ll never forget this one guy saying, as I’m scooping mashed potatoes and wishing him a happy Thanksgiving, “I want to punch you right in the face.” You just keep the smile on and shake it off, but you got to remember to stay in that good place and hold onto those people that are so grateful and thankful, those moments, because you do get hardened.
Isn’t that life, though? Don’t you try to do that?
Anything in life hardens you. This Rocco, my little Frenchie, is trying to get comfortable in the chair, but I don’t want him to fall off the chair because he really doesn’t fit.
I don’t think he even bounce.
He’s super dense.
He would not bounce. He would thud.
There’s no bouncing here. There’s snoring in the background. Let me be uncomfortable so you can.
That’s right. That’s being a mom.
That’s what we do for our kids. When your kid’s nursing on you and your back is spasming because you can’t move and they’re sleeping and they fall asleep. You’re just like, “I’m going to suck it up.”
It’s true. That used to happen to me. My arm would be like, “I can’t.”
Your arm keeps throbbing and tingling. You have no more feeling left in your fingers.
Back to the music. I told you about the Christian concerts. Speaking of the Christian concerts, though, the Feed the Children thing comes in, that’s fine. The thing that gets me is the artists that profess to be trying to spread the word of God, yet you’re charging $200-some to get to your concert. Come on. I have a problem with that. Zach Williams was not that situation.
I think a lot of people at the end of the day, these big churches are a business.
I’m not just talking about the big churches, but I hear what you’re saying, 100%.
Whether it’s a Christian concert or a big megachurch, it is a business.
It’s been happening for years. You use God to make money.
That’s when I have this conversation and debate all the time. I know when I go to my megachurch here in town because I love a couple of the pastors, I used to sing on stage with the choir, it’s a business. Literally, when I go to church, I just take that part of the equation out of it and hone in on the message, but my husband, who’s such a numbers guy, is like, “That and that.” I get it.
I grew up Catholic, so it’s hard to break that stigma when you’re a Catholic. People firmly believe.
If you don’t tithe your 10% first, you’re going to go to hell.
I’ll tell you a fun fact about that. I had that situation. There’s one church in Tampa that I had gone to since I was born. Since this particular incident occurred, I have not set foot back into the said church. M marriage was invalidated because when I was originally married to Nick, we were not married in the church. Therefore, the church doesn’t see it as a legal marriage.
To have Henry baptized, we needed to have our marriage invalidated. Nick is not a Catholic. I am. I’ve gone through all of my catechisms. Henry was baptized. When Katie was born, Katie was baptized in the same location. My grandmother’s been singing in the church since she was 16 years old, so 74 years the woman has sung in the choir at that church.
There are more things about it, but long of the short, I go to enroll Henry in Catholic school. In order to get the Catholic discount, you had to have it signed off from your home parish, which was this particular church. The head priest there refused to sign off on it. He says, “I haven’t seen you in here in a while.” Ironically, I had just seen him weeks prior and offered my condolences for the passing of his father, face-to-face to him. What the truth was we didn’t haven’t given any tithings.
That’s complete bullshit. I have a major problem with that.
To me, God did me a favor. I will never set foot in that church again. I don’t need to go.
I heard this saying and it has resonated with me. You keep talking. It’ll eventually come to me.
That’s like me. I’m like me and my scatterbrain. I can’t think of anything.
That’s true. I’m more on point.
It started being a long year in February for me, and now we’re in June. It’s a long year.
Basically, the meaning behind it and it rhymed. I can’t think of the rhyming words. It’s when God shuts a door, consider it a blessing.
When God shuts a door, consider it a blessing. Click To Tweet
It’s true.
You might not see it in the moment. When you look back, you’re like, “That works.”
My hindsight is always 20/20. As an adult, there are so many things that I think back on. I’m going to think, “This is what I would’ve done.” There’s a reason why they don’t give that to the young. You have to learn your lessons. As much as we want to shield kids, shield them from that dirty music, I don’t listen back. Do you ever go to those Reels that they play songs and they’re listening to such and such a song when you’re a grownup, a song that you listen to when you’re a kid? What was the one that they talked about t? This one was hilarious.
I even watched one of Mariah Carey’s Honey. If you break down the words like, “When you put your love all over me,” and something with a honey, but you’re listening to it now and you’re like, “Shit.” I’ll never forget being a kid.
It was just going to taste like honey.
Who was the artist?
The Electric Slide. That’s what they were saying. “You can feel it. It’s electric boogie, woogie, woogie.” They say it’s talking about a vibrator. I swear to you, this is the new thing. I was 36 years old when I realized that this song is about a vibrator.
I never knew. Is it really, though?
I don’t know, but hold on, here we go. It’s funny. Let’s hear this. We’re staying on topic because we were talking about music. The Electric Slide. I guess it sounds better if it’s a woman. It is a woman who sings this. Here we go.
You got to feel it
Chunky.
Chuck it? That’s what I heard. Do the lyrics.
They’re not on here. I thought they would be. We’re going to look at the lyric.
I don’t know what she said.
I don’t know. Hold on. Here we go. Electric.
“You could see it. You could feel it. Chuck it.”
I don’t know. I’m about to hear it. Here we go. “You can’t see it. You got to feel it. Oh, it’s shakin’. You got to know it.”
I did not hear shakin’ on that song.
“Now, you can’t hold it, but you know it’s there. Yeah, here, there, everywhere. I’ve got to move. I’m going on a party ride. I’ve got to groove, groove, groove. From this music, I just can’t hide. Are you coming with me? Come let me take you on a party ride and I’ll teach you, teach you, teach you. I’ll teach you the electric slide.”
Was it the people that created The Electric Slide song come up with a dance or was it somebody else who came up with the dance after the fact?
I don’t know. That’s another Google. “I don’t want to lose it, but you can’t choose it. You know it’s there, it’s everywhere.” I don’t know. I think it’s just the very beginning of it. I think you can turn anything pervy.
You can turn anything. I grew up listening to Salt-N-Pepa. It’s totally Shoop, Push It!, Whatta Man, Let’s Talk About Sex, None of Your Business. All of these songs, if you want to break the songs down, you’re like, “What the hell? Eight-year-olds shouldn’t be listening to that shit.”
It’s true. I told you there were shows that I watched.
Rump Shaker.
“All I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom.”
It’s not from the songs. I was a cheerleader in high school. The cheerleading songs that we would dance to were very inappropriate.
How about this one? This is one of my favorite albums. It’s probably one of the first albums other than The Beach Boys that I got.
I know what you’re talking about.
Whitney Houston.
Which one?
The Whitney Houston album.
Yeah, but what song are you talking about?
Saving All My Love For You. An eight-year-old girl listening to these songs, singing them out loud. Now, when my daughter is singing Dua Lipa, I’m horrified by some of the things she says. She won’t listen to the one where she says, “Goddamn.” She’s like, “Mommy, I don’t like that song because they say goddamn,” which is good. “A few stolen moments is all that we share. You’ve got your family and they need you there. Though I’ve tried to resist being last on your list, but no other man’s going to do. I’m saving all my love for you.” She’s basically talking about having a damn affair and waiting for her lover to leave his family.
They got to a catchy tune to it and it’s one of a kind.
It sounds good. Fact. It’s one of my favorites.
Just like Broadway Girls, I let my son listen to that.
I don’t know the lyrics to that.
Morgan Wallen and he’s talking about, “I should have left my ass at home,” because theBroadway girls are too high maintenance, basically.
This is the best one of all. Singing with my kids and watching the cringe on their faces. My kids do go to Catholic school. We do listen to music or the morning show in the mornings on the way to school. This one particular day, for whatever reason, I got a wild hair up my butt and I decided I wanted to listen to Baby Got Back.
That’s a good one.
My kids listen to every single word, so everyone knows the lyrics to Baby Got Back. When I tell you, “I like big butts and I cannot lie.” Obviously, that’s the first lyric. “You other brothers can’t deny that when a girl walks in.” I don’t even need to read it. Everyone knows it.
Everyone knows the song, but what’s the first that got them?
“My Anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns, hun.” Henry has no idea what Sir Mix-a-Lot means when he says, “My Anaconda.”
“Is that a snake? What is that, Mom?”
He knows it’s a snake, but he doesn’t have the correlation between the fallacy and the phallic nature of an anaconda. Anyway, he says, “What?” Katie says, “He said you could do side bends or sit-ups.” Katie’s hanging onto every word. I am dying. My kids are more in sheer horror because I am jamming, singing every word and loving every minute. Henry is rolling up the windows. I have the windows rolled down.
He’s rolling up the windows. He’s embarrassed.
Of course, he’s embarrassed. Henry’s so easily embarrassed, but I’m not even in the school parking lot. I’m driving down the road. He’s like, “Mom. Please, Mom.” He’s staring at me down. Anyway, horrified. I never thought I’d be that mom and I love it. I love to sing songs and embarrass the crap out of them.
Yes. I will instigate my children. I take joy in it. It can activate the hell out of them.
Other kids will see you as the cool mom. My little Katie, she actually got very upset when I told her that we were going to get a new car. She goes, “Are you going to trade in your truck?” I said, “No, I’m trading the Jeep.”
You said you would never get rid of that car.
I know. I don’t want to, but here’s what happened. Katie’s like, “Mom, it’s one of the things that helps me be cool.” How am I supposed to get rid of the Jeep? It helps to make her cool. She doesn’t need to drive it, obviously. This dog is so loud, so the person playing the trombone will be Rocco.
That’s Rocco.
Rocco Mortellaro.
Little Rocco. How could you not love a dog with so many wrinkles?
I don’t know. He’s so cute.
He’s so stinking cute. I love this dog.
The snore. Ms. Bethany, have you got anything else to discuss? We liked our little music topic.
We have to find a cushion for you because every time you do that, I feel like I’m getting pulled off the stage. I’m getting pulled to come out and whip me right off stage.
The fact that I’m envisioning exactly what you’re talking about is so sad. Get out of here. You have the earphones and so I don’t hear us at all and your stuff goes into it.
I hear every little noise.
All I hear is Rocco.
Rocco is snoring in the headphones and he is very loud.
Real quick, end of story here, but I love this blouse.
Zara.
Stop it.
It’s a Zara. I’ve never walked in there. Zara, I find, has a lot of these fun, colorful and paisley.
Even the style of it. Not even just the material.
Sleeves that are all nice and baggy. I like to wear this top unbuttoned a little low with tight pair of white pants, cool belt, and some wedges or heels.
I think I’ve seen you wear this before, the white pants.
No, that was a different one from Zara. What is this? It’s like a silk or satin.
It almost looks satiny.
Super breathable. A lot of times, these tops come with a matching bandana.
I’ve never seen you do it, but you could do it. You could pull that off.
I used to wear bandanas all the time.
To be in your biker game, put your bandana on it.
The biker game with the Sons of Anarchy. I want to go join them.
We’ll get you some fake tattoos. You’ll fit right in. Wear some tight leather pants, which I know you own.
I’m wanting to get a tattoo.
She’s a virgin. She has no tattoos.
I’m not. I’ve actually have had two tattoos and I’ve had them removed.
Fear of commitment.
No. I did not like the placement of them.
Where were they placed?
One was the fantastic tramp stamp that was so popular. Not necessarily the placement. It’s what I got. I got it when I was eighteen and I’m like, “I’m a woman. Hear me roar. I’m getting a tattoo and I’m rebelling.” It’s just a tribal thing which had no significance.
That was in at the time.
I had one on my wrist. You could still see it a little bit. I never liked the placement of it.
What is it?
It was part of a scripture, which is just a secret. It was something near and dear, but I want to get my kids’ names tattooed. I want it going straight down, but I want it done by an artist.
Where’s the placement of it? On your shoulder?
No. I either want to go straight down my spine. I’ve seen that. I like that. It’s super sexy. My girlfriend actually just got one. I was like, “I might have to move my spot.” I said to my girlfriend after she showed me this tattoo, which looks beautiful on her. I’m like, “I got a boney spine. You looked like you got one too. Is that painful?” She’s like, “Towards the end, I was done.”
She’s being too subtle.
I want to get it right under my breast. Do you see that? That’s a popular spot. I see a lot when we’re at the beach in bikinis. That’s a popular spot.
Unlike my good friend Bethany here, I, too, got a tramp stamp like every other girl did in their early twenties. I got this cute little tattoo in perfect placement. Unlike you, I didn’t go and have it removed. I had it elaborated. Very largely elaborated.
I considered that an option too.
I find that funny. It’s like all or nothing. You’re like, “Yeah. Nothing. I’ll take it all.” Mine’s really large. I love my tattoos.
You have how many tattoos? You have quite a bit of tattoos.
I don’t even know if I can count them now because they all meld.
The problem is, once you get one, then you want to get another.
The problem with tattoos is once you get one, then you want to get another and another. Click To Tweet
Anybody who says you don’t, they’re full of it. I didn’t believe that, actually.
I saw this and I made a comment to my husband. I said it to my husband. We were at St. Pete Beach. A man had one full entire sleeve on his leg. I’ve never seen that before.
Was the guy hot?
He was a good-looking guy.
Super good looking, tall, dark hair, blue eyes?
I don’t know.
Did he have a full sleeve and a full leg and they were opposite?
No. He just had a full sleeve on his leg. That’s all he had.
It’s because I know a guy.
Not all these random tattoos. Everything was covered. I was like, “I am such a sucker for tattoos, but only like sleevey things like that, not when you got randoms all over the place. Sleeve tattoos is so sexy to me.
My husband has zero tattoos and he constantly brings that up. He’s like, “I know you think I’m hot, but I have no tattoos.”
Cher’s husband had flip flop cars. I am a sucker for facial hair on men. He walked in. I’ve never seen your husband with a beard before.
You’ve seen him with a beard. You haven’t seen him with that big of a beard.
That long of a beard. I said to him, “Keep it, son. It has worked for you. I prefer my husband with facial hair.”
It ups the real estate. Your property value increases.
Now, you got the facial hair and the sleeve tattoos. What?
I only like to have one.
Sleeves. I like seeing both arms covered. I’m talking multiple.
You got to see my cousin’s boyfriend then. He is.
I find these tattoo artists fascinating.
He’s a good dude too.
I always get sucked into those tattoo shows.
Me too.
The whole world that are on these tattoos are incredible. They’re just pieces of art.
Could you ever be that person?
Have a sleeve?
No. The canvas person on those tattoo shows. You’re just the blank canvas and they get to do whatever they want on you? Could you have known, either?
Clearly, I’ve had two tattoos. I guess that’s true.
I know. That was stupid. I’m too much of a control freak. The tattoo thing, so my grandmother will surely tune in to this show.
How did we get on this topic?
I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.
Mind you, let me make it very clear. The topic of the show was, “How To Not Fuck Up Your Kids.”
We didn’t go there.
We got to save that.
We’re saving that one.
I want to have a couple cocktails first.
We started talking about music.
Let me tell you how to not fuck up your children.
“I hide the booze away from the children.” No. I don’t know how we got on it. We can piece this. This can be two separate episodes, but back to it. My grandmother. You know I cherish my grandmother and it matters to me what she thinks of me. I would say that I’m her pride and joy. I was until my kids were born, and then I kind of took a backseat to them, but understandably so.
When I got my first tattoo, obviously, she’s not going to know about it because most of my tattoos are hidden. When I did get the ones on my arm, that bothered her. She started to sound like her mother. I was very close to my great-grandmother. She’s like, “Honey, just don’t ever get that full-sleeve thing.” Mind you, my best friend is covered. She has two full sleeves, full on. It’s okay for her to have.
I love Jenny.
It’s okay. That’s Jenny. It’s okay for her.
Not for you.
I will tell you, nan, I love you and I don’t want you to leave this planet. I’m not ready for you to go to heaven anytime soon, but once you’re gone, sister, I’m getting a sleeve, 100%.
I could totally picture you with sleeve. Do you have it already thought out in your mind, like everything that you want on there?
Absolutely, I do.
You wanted Katie’s picture. Katie drew a picture or something. You said you wanted to get a tattoo of that.
That one, which I always thought it was the ugliest, dumbest, most ridiculous thing when people get these kids’ drawings on them, but this drawing, I absolutely love it.
It’s funny because when I was having my first tattoo.
You remember that? You have a brain like an elephant.
I do, but I can’t tell you what I just did fifteen minutes ago.
I get it.
The very first appointment I ever had to get my first tattoo removed, I met this little elderly gentle old man and he said he was there to get his tattoos removed. I said, “Why is that?” We’re striking up a conversation. He was very sweet. He said, “Because I don’t want to meet my Lord and Savior with ink all over me.” That stuck with me for the longest time. Years later, I’m listening to a Joyce Meyer episode off YouTube or something.
She’s talking about how sometimes you get fixated on these thoughts of right or wrong and this and that. She was talking about how she just got a couple of tattoos and she does not care who wants to judge or criticize her because she loves her Lord and Savior. Obviously, everything is about God and everything else, but I thought my God is going to love me when I meet him for who I am on the inside and not what’s on my body. For the person that I am. For how much I love him.
Truth be told, I don’t believe that you’re going there in this skin anyway.
I didn’t get those tattoos removed because of my faith. I just want to make that very clear. I got them removed because of the reasons I had said. I didn’t like the placement of one. I didn’t like the tribal art of the other one. I do want to get that scripture re-tattooed in a different area. I actually probably want to get it done like yours, but much smaller than that on the forearm, so I’m going to get more.
I know what you’re saying about it. I would tell you that I have tattoos I don’t want to say that I wish I didn’t have, but that I contemplate. However, it reminds me of the path that I’ve been on. Not that I need these as a reminder, but why would I take it away? I did that and I had to process everything.
That’s the debate my husband and I have. He says he will never get a tattoo because he wanted a sailboat thing or something to do with scuba diving. It was something around that. He was so determined to get it and he never got it. Looking back, he said he doesn’t even do that anymore, so it doesn’t relate to him, but it does because it relates to part of your life and the memories that go with that and what you were into at the time. I have to disagree with him on that. I think for me, I can’t ever see myself going agnostic or atheist, so scripture is meaningful, too. My children are my children.
That’s the thing. Don’t ever do his name on it.
I’ve said to my husband, I’m like, “Why don’t we go get some kind of matching tattoo? I know a ton of couples that have matching tattoos. Not that that’s the reason why I want to get it, but let’s get something.” It could just be something that’s designed. It doesn’t have to have our names or anything involved in it. I think it’s never going to happen. It’s not going to happen. He doesn’t want any tattoos and that’s fine.
Nick goes back and forth. Nick says that he does, and then he says he doesn’t.
He says to me, “When you get yours, I’ll get mine.” I think that’s like the cop-out bullshit answer.
He’s not really committed.
I said to him, “We have date nights. Let’s go on a date night together. We’ll both get them done at the same time. I think that’s the fair way to do it.”
I’m ready to go again.
Let me go when you go because, first of all, I want to find a tattoo artist I feel comfortable with. It’s kind of pressing on me to get these tattoos done.
We should record the tattooing.
What are you getting done? We got to wait for Nan to go.
No. I’m not doing the full sleeve. I’ll look at full sleeve. Look at my shirts now. They usually cover it. We’ll see. I also need my arms to look like yours first, too.
When you start coming back to the gym with me. Did you and your husband start yoga yet? Was he being serious about that? Your husband said the two of you are going to start yoga.
Our babysitter, our nanny, she’s actually a certified yoga instructor, but she was on vacation, so we’re definitely going to do yoga as a family. Family yoga.
I think that’s fun. The kids included?
One hundred percent. Katie sits down and does yoga right now. She pulls up the TV and has this one particular lady in Australia.
Kids do love yoga.
They love it, which is so good for them.
Actually, we got to talk about that because we were going to talk about all the different facial treatments we have received. We want to talk about the price of beauty. That shit gets expensive really quick.
The price of beauty. That shit gets expensive. Click To Tweet
We do need to do that. I think we need to do a couple of episodes on facial treatments and beauty products, etc. We’ve got tons of episodes coming up, so I think we’re good.
I actually called the place I go to and asked, “Can you give me a history of everything that I’ve done there?” When they said it, I was like, “Why does my face still look like this? Why am I trying to fight the shit that I’m fighting?” It should look like the pores are gone, for crying out loud.
Give in. I’m ready for a beverage.
I am, too.
Let’s do beverages soon. I’m saying bye.
What do we want from our audience?
I want some fun stories. I want stories of your favorite concerts. I want to know this because I’m sure people have fun stories about being stuck on someone’s shoulders at a concert. I don’t know. They farted or something.
The guy whose shoulder that I was on, he was a very overweight, no shirt on, pale man. When my mom was watching that, she’s like, “Holy shit. That’s the guy?” I was like, “Yeah, he was nice enough to let me up on his shoulders. He was probably getting off.”
That’s disgusting. Fun concert stories
Even the craziest, bizarre shit that has happened at a concert. You know what I want to get into another episode too is crazy stuff like ghosts, spirits, and shit like that. I love that stuff. I had way too many unexplained things and encounters happen to me and marks on my body. I have talked to Mr. Fred about this and he’s like, “Absolutely, I do 100% believe in that.”
We definitely need to get into that topic.
We need to have stories. We need your fun concert stories.
Funny lyrics. What songs have you messed up.
Slime In My Stilettos, you could direct message us on songs you have on Instagram or you can email us at SlimeInMyStilettos@Gmail com.
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